That mysterious guy in my life

The very mention of his name gave me strange chemical reactions in my body. My face would turn red. I would then feel a gush of blood in my nerves. I had never seen him but I knew a lot about him. I should say I had an inner urge to meet him. Strange! I was curious about a person whom I had never met. Yes he disturbed me in my dreams too. His name did have a lot of control over me and people used that weakness too.

I was 6 years old then. His name was (or is) Poochandi. I was told he looked shabby, unshaved and dirty. He always carried a big bag in which he imprisons kids and take them away. He always targets kids who don’t eat properly or do not obey parents.

I had a lot of questions about him for which I never got answers. Where does he take the kids? Where does he come from? What does he do with the kids? Why is he always a shabby guy? How does he know which kids disobey their parents?

I found out later that this Poochandi was a menace to every kid. None of my friends had answers to these questions. At one point of time I was really irritated about him that I decided to face him. I wanted to put an end to all problems caused by him to our kids community.

It was a rainy day. I stood on the top of the terrace getting drenched in the rain. Yah I did like rain. First my mom came out.

Mom: (shouting) come in don’t get wet. Poochandi will take u away if u stand there.
Me: No. I won’t.
Mom: Look Vibha u r a good girl. Come in.
Me: I am not a good girl today.
Dad: (coming out) I will get u dairy milk chocolate if u come in.
Me: I don’t want it.
Dad: (Now irritated) U r much more troublesome than a guy. Why don’t u obey? I never wanted this kind of a girl.
Me: (with a sorrowful look) Daddy… but
Dad: (Now melting at my look) See why do want to stay in rain. U will get fever and doctor will give u injection.
Me: That’s okay for once.
Dad: (puzzled) For once? Why?
Me: Today I am going to kill that Poochandi
Mom and Dad: (Laughing) How? U r so small but he is powerful and big.
Me: (with a heroic smile) But today it is my day. All kids will be relieved.
(Then I proudly lifted a packet full of hydrogen bombs, a knife and scissors)
Dad: (Admiring my weapons) Ohh u r a brave girl. But he wont come today.
Me: Why is Sunday a holiday for him?
Mom and Dad (now laughing): He will never come.
Me: ???

My dad came and carried me in and I didn’t resist. Then he told me that the whole issue of Poochandi is just imagination. My dreams of heroic victory over the villain got scattered. I had pictured myself as Rajinikanth or Alexander the great defeating this Poochandi. Well I didn’t give up the thought that I had a hero in me. I am still searching for a villain.

My first mega serial

I always believed that I am good in writing poetry and stories. (errr..people say). Now I am thinking of doing something really innovative - a mega serial in Tamil. I even managed to get 9:00 to 9:30pm slot in SUN TV as they were really impressed when I narrated my first episode.
Title of my serial is “Akka.” Of course I play according to the rules of the game. (Names of Tamil serials should mean relations like chithi, appa, and onnu vitta periappa…)
Now as my title is fixed I proceeded with my next step- the title song. I am going to have Unnikrishnan and Nithyashree sing it.
First comes a voice of a 6-year-old girl calling “akka” and then the song begins.

Paasam miguntha akka
Unnal en life pucca
Veiyil koluthum Africa
Nee irunthal adhu berikka

Thousand apologies to T. Rajendran as I have copied his style. Yah I also have 22 women with bright colored saris dancing for it near kapaleeshwar temple. Oh it is 9:05pm already, now my story begins.
A well-decorated home…camera moves to the TV. Cricket match goes on but no one is watching. Camera moves to a chair. Preethi is staring at the wall and suddenly starts crying. Close up of Preethi’s face now. Now the camera moves into the kitchen. Jyothi slowly ignites the stove. Cuts aavin milk packet. Close up at the aavin milk packet (one of our sponsor). Now she keeps the vessel over the stove and pours the milk slowly. As she hears a strange noise (only now) she looks out and sees Preethi crying. Camera moves to Jyothi’s face, she feels like crying too. She comes close to Preethi and lifts her hand to touch her.

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Akka.................
Now Jyothi who is about to touch Preethi thinks otherwise and takes her hand away. Camera now focusing the mehendi in Jyothi’s hand. Sentiment melts Jyothi’s heart now, that she couldn’t resist and touches Preethi. Now Preethi looks up and says “akka” and with more tears. Camera now focuses on Preethi’s new type chudidhaar neck. Jyothi asks “ en kitta solla maatiyaa…enna problem?” Now Preethi says “akka neeya ippadi kekara? Chinna vayasula ramarajan padathukku kootindu poo nnu kettappo rajinikanth padathukku kotindu poniyee…oru pencil venumnnu ketappo kadai lenthu oru dozen pencil thirudi koduthiyee….akka… naa un kitta solla maateena? Namma paasam eppadi vidum.” Jyothi gets lost into the past memories.

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Akka............

Besant nagar Beach. Nikhil is sitting on the sand and looks at his watch. Thinks loudly “enna innum varala?” Few feet away….there stands Naresh. Tensed Naresh bits his nail and thinks loudly, “innikki eppadiyaavadhu pesidanum.” Now comes Nirosha jogging (No “in a chudhidhaar with her handbag”, I follow the rules of the game.) Nikhil comes close to her and says “excuse me…unga kitta konjam pesanum.” Nirosha says “Sollunga (blushes).” Nikhil continues in a romantic tone “ungala engeyo paatha maathiri irrukku”. Nirosha replies “ennakkum appadi thaan thonudhu(blush again).” Naresh, listening to the conversation grabs Nikhil’s shirt and they start fighting. Nirosha and a small crowd start watching… (at the fight not at the shooting)

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Akka...................
A small pen cap falls from Naresh’s shirt. Nikhil looks at it and takes out a pen without refill and pencap. Naresh’s looks at it and says “Anna neeya….Nikhilaa nee?” Now Nikhil says “Aaa Naresh neeya?” They now hug (true it happens in tamil serials). Naresh says “namma thangachi mattum irrunthiruntha…refill oda ava enga irrukkaalo?”
Nirosha jumps in with a refill and says “anna… anna,” looking at both. All the three hug. They say “nammala piricha chitthappava pazhi vaanguvoom” All the three take oath to avenge him.

To be continued in the next episode ….

What plan will Nirosha, Naresh and Nikhil make to avenge their chithappa?
What is the reason behind Preethi’s tears?
Will Jyothi help her out?
What is the secret behind Jyothi’s affection?

See that tomorrow in AKKA.
Monday to Friday 9:00 to 9:30pm AKKA only in SUN TV.
Don’t miss it!!

Disclaimer: Oh Great serial makers. This is my first attempt. Please overlook errors if any.

P.S: Planning to make just 380 episodes. I want your feedback.

Tamil Movie Kills Newton……..

News:

“Newton - The Father of Physics has committed suicide!! Recent information unveils the mystery behind his death”

Once Newton came to India and he watched a few Tamil movies and had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logics and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Vijayakanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went insane.

Here are a few scenes:

1) Vijayakanth has a "Brain Tumor" which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Vijayakanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured. Long Live Vijayakanth! (Puratchi Thalaivaa Vazhga)

2) In one of the movies, Vijayakanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Vijayakanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet. Guess, what he does....... He holds a knife in his hand and throws at the middle gangster & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces and kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one. (Could James Bond compete with our Captain??)

3) Vijayakanth is chased by a gangster. Vijayakanth has a revolver but he has no bullets in it. Guess what he does. No!!!,not even in your remotest imaginations. He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots, Vijayakanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang... And the gangster dies.... (Of course our 19 year old heroine is impressed!!)

This was too much for our Newton to take and he was completely shaken and he decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time! and thought that at least one movie will follow his theory of motion. The whole movie goes fine andNewton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed.

Oops not so fast.

The Climax finally arrives. Vijayakanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Vijayakanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Vijayakanth has to desperately kill the villain because its the climax. (Our Newton is smiling since it is virtually impossible). Vijayakanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pocket (Probably a backup???). He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached the height of the wall, he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air, with his second gun. Now the first gun fires off and the villain is dead. (Narasimhanna summavaa??...yes the title should come in the climax)

Newton commits Suicide.

May his soul rest in peace. (Hope they don’t show Vijayakanth movies in heaven. :p)
(This was an email sent to me to which I had added bit more of my own masala)

Combating Cancer

That evening was cold as expected on the last week of October. Coming from the hottest place in India, the cold of New Hampshire is just too much for me. As I came home from work, I thought I must brush my teeth after eating chocolates. (else I would have my mom coming in my dreams reminding me to do that). While brushing I saw my image in the mirror. Well it looked like me….pretty much alright with two eyes one nose and one mouth (ears hidden behind my hair). Hey wait something different …..some kind of red coloured liquid sticking out of my nose….oh its BLOOD!!. Thinking that I must have punched my nose in my dreams I went back to my room. (yah after washing my mouth). Ohhh now I start coughing. Mmm nothing new…I was coughing for the past few nights. Cursing the cold for the (n+1)th time I reached my kerchief and started coughing even more. (comfortably now.). That beautiful red kerchief is really useful. Just a moment….is it red?? Wasn’t it yellow? My God BLOOD is coming out of my mouth now.

I thought I was healthy…… I even donated blood last year. This year I coudnt do it as some count turned to be low. My left brain (LB) started revising the chapters of cancer biology I had learnt in my undergrad. Ohh no!! it could be leukaemia (blood cancer). My right brain (RB) said “Hey u got to confirm it..consult a doc”. Now LB says “Is that not obvious? Blood count initially getting low and then blood coming from nose and mouth, loss of appetite etc..etc…” There my RB says “enough of it….anyway tumor is curable” LB answers “Leukaemia…tis difficult..radiotherapy etc.” RB (now irritated) “okay u have cancer so what?? May be u will die within a few months.. ...r u really worth living?”

That’s really a tough question to answer. LB comes to my rescue saying “u r not worth dying either.” Well this sounds good. Cancer mm this word changed my attitude to life. I felt like Sharukh Khan of Kal Ho Na Ho. But I don’t have a lover. First time in my life I realized the importance of having a lover. A lover should be really interesting at least at the death bed. (wow what a sentiment). I have not yet achieved anything in life to die so soon. Ohh what did I want to achieve?. Perhaps a job with a handsome salary, a camera and a car to wander.
What a great ambition in life!!!

Telephone rings… my classmate Shen asks “Vibha did u finish biochemical homework -5th problem.” I answered “Ohh I jus came from work..I’ll call u once I do it..bye”. And now, “does doin this homework make a difference…anyway few more months??” My RB says “atleast do ur homework properly during the last part of ur life.” Yah I will try to be sincere from now. I searched for the homework sheet from a dozen of scattered papers near the trash. As I made my wonderful discovery finding the sheet, telephone rings again.

Do I have another homework?. Well lets check. But it was my undergrad friend calling from Maryland. He asks “hey how r u doin vibha?” “well fine (ohh what a lie) and how is ur life goin” and there the reply came “u know because of the dry heat from the heater my nose started bleeding. I just got a humidifier and now its all okay….” My LB continued “yes the tissue in ur nose is very soft and so easily…”

I didn’t hear the rest of the words. I could feel fifty five - 200W bulbs glowing in me. Yah I don’t pay for electricity here. Hey someone is cutting the power supply. That’s the image of my Dad saying “vibha u chat a lot...look u r still holding the phone. U lose ur intelligence by that..” I replied “Dad ur advice works perfectly well only for people with intelligence .”

Well now u would have concluded that I got a humidifier. Ohh no that’s not what people with "great chemical engineering minds" do. I sprinkle water once in a while. I remember not to wipe out the water when I wash my vessels and leave it for the heater to dry it. Don’t spend money on heaters….. this works perfectly well. (my nose is in a good shape now.)