Thursday, December 15, 2005

AstroQuest

This is a serious post to help you become a successful chiromancer. Astrology is a blooming field and I bet it is the easiest way to become rich.

Q: How do I start with?
A:
Some person will come to you asking, “Can u read these lines in my palm and say something?” Just say yes.

Q: I’ll be in trouble. What do I say?
A:
It’s easy. First say you have a long life span of 70 years. (Or any number between 60 and 75. Statistics say that life span of Indians fall in that range.)

Q: Then how do I proceed?
A:
U need not worry. I bet he will start asking questions and all you got to do is to answer them.

Q: What questions can I expect?
A:
He may ask you “How will my married life be?” You can tell him “You will get a very beautiful wife. Initially you will have trouble in getting along but after the kids arrive you will be fine. You will be happy though.” Remember to add few negatives but the overall must be positive.

Q: Why should my overall statement be positive?
A:
You are not doing any research on astrology. Tell people what they want and become popular. Learn to survive!!

Q: If he asks a troublesome question like “Will I go abroad?”
A:
Good question. You have to refer to the weather forecasts to answer this question. Your answer could be “Yah this line (pointing to any crooked line in his hand) says you have fair chances. But this year is not very lucky to you. Drastic changes may also take place due to the influence of your previous karmas…”

Q: Should I talk something about his character?
A:
“U r a sensitive person. Not many people can understand u. U r very good at heart. But u actually don’t know how to express your feelings.” These lines will always work whoever be the person. U may also add few lines on what u think about that person.

Q: What if the person says “No u r wrong.”
A:
If the person happens to be a girl u can very well say “with a beautiful girl in front of me, my calculations may go wrong.” And of course start hitting on her. If it is a guy, just give him a mysterious smile and say “u know I am right but….that’s okay.” He will get confused and start believing the truth from your mouth.

Q: Okay I got it. Do I repeat the same for questions like “Will she accept my proposal?”
A:
Ohh there comes your chance. If you have a crush on that girl he is talking about, just say, “That is difficult. I feel there is a better girl waiting for you. You will meet her within 2 years.” Make your words in such a way that you sound as an experienced chiromancer. He must believe every word from your mouth and you succeed.

Q: Can I talk about anything else apart from the lines in his palm?
A:
Well you can ask “Do u have any itching feeling in your right palm?” If he says yes then say, “Ohh Maha Lakshmi is pleased. You will gain more money.” If he says “No but I have that feeling in my left palm”, say, “This is not a good sign (serious face). Money will flow out of you.” If he gets too much worried then you may add “All u have to do is to visit the temple X” (X could be the name of any temple that comes to your mouth at that moment.)

Q: What if he says both of his palms are itching?
A:
Tell him it is a serious skin problem. Suggest a good dermatologist.

Q: Well sounds easy and any difficult situation?
A:
Well there are some guys who grumble a lot. They may ask, “Why do I only face these many problems?” There comes your innovation. That’s a good chance to frame great stories. Here is an example. “U were a washer man in your previous birth. U beat your donkey so much that it cursed u. That curse haunts u in this birth.”

Q: I kind of get it. What if he asks a specific question like “will I get this job?”
A:
Haha. Say, "even if u don’t get that job, there is a better profession waiting for u!!"

Q: Ohh what is that?
A:
Astrology of course. Now u have enough knowledge to train him in astrology.

Q: How did u get this idea?
A:
Once my friend and me were in Besant Nagar beech. There came a lady (dressed as a gypsy and calling herself an astrologer). She said my friend would get a husband who has name of Lord Muruga. She is engaged now and it so happened that her fiancée’s name happens to be the name of Lord Muruga. With great coincidences happening like this anyone can try his/her luck in astrology.

Q: Did she say anything interesting to u?
A:
Aah very interesting. She said my husband would have a mole in his chest area. (She knew that I am not indecent enough to ask every guy to remove his shirt). She also said he will be a pure and good person. (I also cannot ask “are u pure?” to any guy.) With these great details she was able to grab a 100Rs note from me. (Maybe I took loan from her in my previous birth and didn’t repay!!)
Hope this helps. If u have more questions please do not hesitate to contact me.

20 Comments:

Blogger Leon said...

/*If it is a guy, just give him a mysterious smile and say “u know I am right but….that’s okay.” He will get confused and start believing the truth from your mouth.*/
Oh.. really? I doubt it.. :p

Btw, it looks like you've started using that 'hit on me' phrase.. :p.

12/15/2005 11:44:00 PM  
Blogger Camphor said...

//“U r a sensitive person. Not many people can understand u. U r very good at heart. But u actually don’t know how to express your feelings.”

LOL. But you know, most people really believe that, or believe at least one part of it.
:P
Did you know, I did learn both palmistry and western astrology?

12/16/2005 07:31:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

@Leon
I bet a talented person like u could make any person believe anything.....:p
Yah that phrase ....hehe
@Camphor
Did u really learn palmistry...er.. i doubt it :p

12/16/2005 08:21:00 AM  
Blogger the Monk said...

alright, that was good...funny...

12/16/2005 11:28:00 AM  
Blogger Incognito said...

vibha : me repeat, did u do ur schooling at P.S.S.S.S ?

12/17/2005 08:13:00 PM  
Blogger Incognito said...

Let me see. C section. Ur calssmates, divya, aarthi.. Do u remeber me. we studied together in E section. Name is anu

12/17/2005 08:28:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

yah i think i could remember u. i remember Divya, Aarthi. Do u remember Viji, aparna etc

12/17/2005 08:31:00 PM  
Blogger Incognito said...

Viji yes. aparna.. of D section?

12/17/2005 08:52:00 PM  
Blogger Incognito said...

this is nice, u know. out of the blue

12/17/2005 08:54:00 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

yah very nice to know u. will contact u soon. aparna was in E then to D

12/17/2005 08:58:00 PM  
Blogger Incognito said...

I remember her. Her house was next-door to E section. Very sweet gal. I am blogrolling u ! Do u have contacts with anyone? I am in touch with priya, preethi

12/17/2005 09:03:00 PM  
Blogger Incognito said...

oops! next door to P.S.

Where did u do ur 11th &12th

12/17/2005 09:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

May I read your palm ? :P

12/17/2005 10:43:00 PM  
Blogger freak of mind said...

Hi!!! some more tips.Oru site la irunthu suttathu Namba mattinga romba correct.

Q: How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Just the one. You want to make something of it, eh?
A2: None: Arians aren't afraid of the dark.
A3: Only one Arian, but an awful lot of light bulbs. (*smash*)
Q: How many Taureans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: One. But only if they can celebrate afterwards with a ten course meal and some great sex.
A2: None: Taureans don't like to change anything.
A3: One, but just *try* to convince them that the burnt out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.
Q: How many Geminis does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Two. Plus a portable phone, an Internet link and a copy of the "Bluffer's Guide to Changing Lightbulbs."
A2: Two (of course) but it will take all week and when they're done the light bulb will do your homework, speak French and shine any colour you want from it.
A3: Two, but the job never gets done --- they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!
Q: How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.
A2: Just one, and they'll use a non-disposable diaper too!
A3: None: A Cancerian would worry herself to death with the problem.
Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Leos don't change lightbulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out.
A2: One: He holds the bulb, and the world spins around him.
A3: None: A Leo would order somebody else to change it.
A4: None: Leos are so enthusiastic they carry their own light.
Q: How many Virgos does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Virgos don't have time to change their own lightbulbs. They're too busy changing them for everyone else.
A2: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.
A3: Let's see: One to spot the bulb, one to record the time the bulb burned out and the date it was bought, one to decide who's fault it is the bulb burned out and ask why that brand was chosen in the first place, ten to decide to remodel the house as long as they're changing the bulb ...
Q: How many Librans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Er, two. Or maybe one. No --- on second thoughts, make that two. Is that okay with you?
A2: Why change the bulb? Isn't it more romantic in the dark?
A3: Well gee, I don't know really. I guess it depends on the bulb and where it burned out. It might perhaps take just one if it's just an ordinary bulb, but maybe two if the person doesn't know where to find a new light bulb, or perhaps ...
Q: How many Scorpios does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: None --- they'd rather sit in the dark.
A2: So who wants to know? Why do *you* want to know? Are you a cop?
A3: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.
Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Look, ask me when I get back from India, okay?
A2: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out light bulb?
A3: A whole bunch: I can only keep them in the room long enough for them to give the bulb a quarter turn apiece.
Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: None. Capricorns can't afford new lightbulbs --- unless they're a legitimate business expense.
A2: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.
A3: None: Why should I bother? It's probably just going to burn out again tomorrow anyway.
Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy so...
A2: A hundred, but they'll all be competing to be the one to change the bulb and bring light to the world.
A3: Like, why don't you just get out of my face and stop asking me to do all your work for you? I'm, like, really totally sick and tired of you asking me questions.
Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: Lightbulb? What lightbulb?
A2: Huh? The light's out?
A3: None: only the inner light matters.

12/19/2005 02:51:00 AM  
Blogger freak of mind said...

Hi
i thought i wud share this, since ur recent blog was about astrology related... here in Dubai one guy committed suicide 'cos he was deeply involved and believed to the core his astropredictions.

The story goes like this.
The gentlemen was a masters degree holder, employed in good job.With his regular tele predictive programme watching habbit it seems that he had come across one astrologer telling that he had a short life,he got nervous and paniced.He had called the astrologer and his mom both of them it seems have told that it may be true.Then he had committed suicide when his sister and her husband,With whom he was staying,were out.
This was featured in today's news papers here. Suddenly i rem ur blog told myself shud be very careful while using ur technique of chiromancy or clairvoyance.
I think in this case the prediction ultimately came true and who knows the astrologer is going to have a mile long customer list.
Bye for now

12/19/2005 09:22:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

@anu
Hey i was just away for a while. i had contacts with Divya and Sharanya but lost once i came here.
i am blogrolling u. Nice to have got in tuch with u. hope to catch u soon in yahoo messenger. Yah Aparna who went to D section after 7th std. i did my schooling in P.S.S.S only till 12th. I did B.Tech in Biotechnology in Bharathidasan univ.
Now i am here in New Hampshire, u.s.
And what about u?
@prem
hey the one about the zodiacs was great. b/w i am a libran :p
if i see someone's palm and read (perhaps) i would only say good things like things will improve do this pooja or that etc. so i dont think anyone would commit suicide... that piece was nice. i am impressed.
@Harish
yes sir can u predict my future?
@monk
hey thanks yaar.

12/19/2005 12:08:00 PM  
Blogger Camphor said...

freak of mind ~ LOL!
Aqaurius wasn't perfect tho. :D

12/19/2005 10:09:00 PM  
Blogger Incognito said...

Oh cool. I shifted after 10th. Went to Adarsh, did dress designing. Did B.Sc Viscom. Now unemployed :P !

12/20/2005 04:24:00 AM  
Blogger Gulam Hasan said...

haha nice post... do u think I can b a chiromancer after readin this post(twice that is) ????

12/20/2005 08:40:00 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

@Gulam
Yup. sure

12/20/2005 01:03:00 PM  

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